You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
