seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
