I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
