Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize