I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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