she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize