He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
