I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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