I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
