I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
