Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
