Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
