Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
