I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
