Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
