Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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