I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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