Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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