I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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