she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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