i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
