The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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