you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
