well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
