She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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