had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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