There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
