You really coming over, don't trick.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
