i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
