i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize