Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
