his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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