i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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