Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
