end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
