remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
