I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
your room smells of hookers.
And success
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
