I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize