hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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