take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
