I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
