Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize