Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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