ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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