I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
