So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
