This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
