I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I have post one night stand depression
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