I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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