Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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