In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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