its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
