I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
