T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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