I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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