Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
