u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
