I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
