Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
