well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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