If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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