I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
