there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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