I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
