can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
