I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
