Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
