Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
