He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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