found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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