I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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