I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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