I hate all girls vehemently.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
